Superkids is proud to welcome Erin Martin to our Summer 2013 team

Erin has been a great advocate for waiting children and we are so happy she will be joining us this summer.

“My name is Erin Martin.  I am married to Keith and together we parent and homeschool our five children.  I have had a heart for adoption for as long as I can remember and can recall stating when I was a young girl that I was going to have a huge family with children from all over the world!  The experience of adopting our two youngest children has had a profound impact on our family.  We have seen firsthand how love and care can change a child’s life!

I believe that every child deserves a family and that is why I am so excited about the opportunity to join the Superkids summer trip to China.  When we adopted our youngest daughter in 2012, we benefited from the evaluations done by Superkids volunteers.  We were able to speak with Pat Marcus while we were reviewing our daughter’s file.  We later received videos and pictures of our daughter and were able to send pictures of our family to her so that she was better prepared to meet us.

As an advocate for waiting children, I view this trip as an opportunity to be a voice for the children who have no voice, and hands and eyes for the parents who are waiting to welcome a child.  I believe that through the efforts of our team, many children can be united with their forever families and many families can be blessed with a wonderful child to call their own!”

We will be posting daily while in China on the Superkids blog, Erin's blog (www.martinsinchina1.blogspot.com) and Darla's blog (wrages.blogspot.com).  We are linking our blogs so you can follow our trip preparation. You can donate to the Superkids team on this blog or on Erin's blog using the donate button.

Waiting

Recently, I spoke about Superkids to a group of children adopted from China.  They were part Families of China Children (FCC) Westchester County, New York. I had an hour or so to talk and another hour for the kids to try out my therapy toys and then we did an arts and crafts project together.  During my talk, I mentioned waiting children and got a great question from one of the kids.  A sweet little girl said to me, "what are they waiting for?".  “Hmm and umm”, were my articulate responses.  Then I took a breath and said, "their forever families!".  This really made me think about waiting children, how the term came to be used for orphan children and what it means.  Those of us who travel in country are the ones chronicling the journey of these children.  We meet them, and see them once or twice before they go home with a Mom and Dad.  Until “gotcha” day we refer to them as waiting children.

A few thoughts on this: they wait for everything.  Wait for a caregiver to tell them it's time to get up, wait for breakfast, wait for a diaper to be changed.  They wait to be fed, wait for a drink, wait to get washed up, wait for a turn to play with a toy; waiting in every aspect of their life.  Responses are not immediate for the children in orphanages. They get used to needs not being met immediately.  Most of all they wait for Love; that one Mom and Dad that belongs to them.  The people that will Love them unconditionally, forever – a family!  All of this is beyond comprehension as they wait in the orphanage.  They do not know what it feels like to be in a family.  Their lives are a succession of caregivers and different rooms as they grow.

Meanwhile, on the other side of the world, a family waits.  A child is growing in their heart.  They wait too.
So, who is good at waiting?  No one!  Do we show patience in any aspect of our lives?  Personally, I am a most impatient person.  “Do it now, get it done, just keep at it” are my mantras.  While I persevere, I keep hope alive that all my efforts will make a change.  I think in many ways that is what waiting children do.  Once while visiting with a child in foster care outside of Shanghai, a child who was six going on seven asked me, why did it take so long and why wasn't her family coming to China to get her yet? “Hmmm, umm”, I told her that it would be soon and took a picture for her waiting family.  Both waiting for each other, both hopeful. Every child I meet in China is hopeful, as is every family in the process of adopting.  It is a quality of the human spirit, to strive forward into the unknown, to wish for what we may not even understand.

Last night, I saw the movie Stuck, in New York City.  It really chronicles the difficulties in the process of adopting.  It is about how parents and kiddos who wait are both stuck in this process.  The movie really got me thinking about waiting, patience and perseverance and the incredible resilience of the human spirit.  See the movie, think about waiting children, waiting parents and the whole process of adoption.  While thinking, explore what you can commit to to make a positive change.  We can all do something!

Introducing Darla Wrage, MD

Superkids is proud to welcome Darla Wrage, MD to the team.  We are so happy to have her accompany us to China on our upcoming trip.  She brings wonderful skills to assess and improve the quality of life for all the kiddos we meet.

My name is Dr. Darla Wrage and I am thrilled to be a part of the Superkids summer trip.  I am a wife, mom of four (soon to be 5) and pediatrician.  Kids fill my day, and I love it! I have been practicing medicine for 16 years, and I consider it a privilege to work with families, observing their children grow and develop. I currently practice in Medford, Wisconsin.  I have had a heart for adoption for over 13 years.  Being a child advocate, I firmly believe that children need a forever family to love and care for them.  In 2011, my husband and I brought home our daughter from China.  We are currently in the process of adopting our 7 year old son from China and hoping to travel this fall.

During our adoption journey, I recall how we would read and re-read every detail that was written about our future daughter.  We never got tired of watching the 17 second video clip or scanning blog posts to see if we could see her in the background of someone else’s pictures.   We treasured each piece of information as we tried to develop a picture of her.  We know the feeling of receiving a translated Chinese medical summary...and wondering...how accurate is this?  What does THAT mean?!

I see my work with Superkids as an opportunity to be the eyes that see, the hands that touch, and the ears that hear these kids so that I can relay my perspective (as a pediatrician AND an adoptive mom!) to families.  Will this effort remove all of the uncertainty of an adoption?  Absolutely not!  But I believe the families will be better equipped to make decisions.

I am excited to evaluate kids in the hopes of connecting them to their forever families.  In addition, the opportunity to work with the orphanage staff to ensure the best care possible for these children will hopefully have far reaching effects - changing the children’s life experiences every day that they remain in the care of the CCCWA.

Quilt Update:

Last fall, we began collecting quilt squares for a waiting child tribute quilt to be presented to The CCCWA.  We asked children and their families to draw on a square, write a message or trace their hand.  We started on the boat cruise around New York Harbor and continued to collect quilt squares at the Chinese New Year celebrations in Texas and New York.  The kids created some beautiful pictures!  This weekend, I am beginning to assemble the quilt.

Much love goes into assembling a quilt; it is such a sweet experience as I stitch the squares together, handling each child’s picture.  There is so much love here!  What is more beautiful than a child's drawing?  Here are some pictures as the quilt comes together.

So, thank you sweet kiddos for your beautiful drawings. Thank you CCCWA, for all the work you do for adoption.  Waiting children, you are in our hearts and we are committed to helping you be united with forever families!

“Everyone can DO something!”

After my last blog post, which had very specific suggestions to help families in the process of adoption, it made me think about what we can all do to raise the awareness of adoption.  As I LOVE to say, everyone can DO something to increase awareness.  Only by speaking out, can we make a difference.  If you yourself don't feel called to adopt, help those that do and raise awareness to all the beautiful children who wait.

Having been to many orphanages in China, I have seen so many children who are waiting: they wait for their meals, wait to get washed up, wait for their turn with a toy, they wait to be the next child picked to leave the orphanage - they wait for their forever family!

So, here are some suggestions on what you can do even if you are not adopting:

-  promote adoption blogs on your blog.

-  make a pledge on a site that helps raise grants for adoption such as Reece’s Rainbow (www.reecesrainbow.org) an adoption ministry for children with downs syndrome

-  visit Rainbow Kids (www.rainbowkids.org) and advocate for these beautiful waiting children.

-  spread the word at your church, synagogue or religious institution.  Talk about the waiting child crisis.

-  when asked to read at a school or preschool, choose a book that highlights adoption.

-  if your child is involved in a group, have the group fundraise for a waiting child project.  The group can save change, sell lemonade, or rake leaves and donate the proceeds to waiting children charities.

-  embrace diversity and the beauty of each child.  Families are made in the heart.

I know there are many more suggestions to raise awareness and promote adoption.  Please comment on my blog or Facebook with your suggestions.  Remember, “Everyone can do something!”.

Please note: April Uduhiri and I are holding a special webinar on April 25th at 7 pm EST.  We will be joined by Juliette Howard, a Gladney mom who will speak about adoption from a parent’s perspective.  We have a group of older boys from the Hunan province available for adoption.  It is quite sad that being a boy makes it less likely that they will find a home.  Let’s see if we can change that!  Sign up at the link below.

Register here to attend the April 25^th webinar.

Pat

Ways to support a family in the process of adopting

I meet so many parents in the process of adopting.  They tell me such great things about being supported by friends and family.  So, I thought I would create a reference list for all of us.  If you helped me with ideas on Facebook, thank you so much.  Here is the list.

 Before/during the process:

- Be there as a friend and good listener. Don't judge that the wait is really not that long. Share the wait. Be available to just talk.  Be positive.  Don't ask “how much longer?”.  A kinder question is “what's the next step?”.

-  Show genuine interest in what the family is doing to prepare for child.

-  Treat this child as a person even before they are home.  Call them by name, if you know it.  The updates that parents get are like sonogram pics; share the development of their child.

-  Listen to the specifics - how long the process will be, what each document means. 

- Create some kind of ritual that marks milestones.  Like a special lunch out when each stage is completed.  Or, make a craft together that can be for the child's room when they come home.

-  Get the adoptive Mom, Dad or both, out of the house for a break.  Iced tea in the garden or watch a mindless comedy. A relaxing little break.  

-  Throw a party or shower for the parents. The child's age does not matter.  They will still need new things for their child who is coming home.  Celebrate with them as they wait.

-  Assist in preparation for travel and the gottcha day.  Offer suitcases, packing info, make some frozen dishes for the family to share upon return or for the children who are not traveling.

-  If you have technical/computer expertise, offer it.  Help them get their VPN (Virtual Private Network) set up.  Go over how to download pics, etc.

-  If there is an adoption issue, a match falls thru, be there to support, cry with them and just listen.  Your love and support means the most at this time.

-  Support from your church, synagogue, place of worship means a lot.  Tell them and let them share in the process. One of the most popular suggestions was to pray for the family and their child.

-  Help the family hold a fundraiser or throw a party to fundraise.  A popular suggestion that everybody liked was to hold a yard sale.  People raise amazing amounts at multi-family yard sales.  Any amount helps the family with paying for an expensive adoption.

While the family is in-country:
-  Email, Facebook your love and support.  It means a lot to the family to know they are supported in their journey.  

-  If the siblings stay at home, try to visit while Mom and Dad are away. Maybe arrange a play date, or a special movie outing.  You can post on your Facebook so Mom and Dad know everyone is supporting the kids at home.

-  Help with dog sitting or dog walking, feed the cats, other pet care too. Check on the house, etc. Anything to decrease the stress level.

When the family comes home:
- Check with the family before they arrive home to see if it is okay to create an airport welcoming committee.

-  Be available, but don't hover, call or text to check in with them.  Respect the fact that the family is cocooning.  

- Offer to do the grocery shopping.

- Offer to do mundane chores such as the laundry, carpooling for the siblings.  

-  Offer more frozen meals.

-  Arrange a play date with the siblings so the Mom and Dad can settle and bond with the newest family member.

- Create a “first days home” survival basket that includes: Starbucks or Dunkin gift cards. Something pretty-smelling for mom to remind her to take care of herself. A hobby related gift for Dad. A group gift like pails and shovels in the summer, or bubbles, something the whole family can have fun with.  An age appropriate book to read to newly adopted child.  Some goodies or DVD for the siblings. A take-out restaurant coupon.  Dog walking coupons. Coupons you make for free babysitting, for the siblings or the whole bunch.  Even an hour can make a difference.  

-  Have the fridge stocked with food for the family when they come home.  Make sure to include the all important paper products.  

-  Once the family has settled in, ask mom over for a cup of tea.  Let her share her feelings, struggles, but don't judge.  

I hope this helps and everyone can share this with their friends.  If you have more suggestions, let me know.  I will continue to update the list as new suggestions come in.  Wishing everyone the best in their journey.

Peace, 
Pat

Superkids is on a Journey

We started out in 2007 with a mission: empowering orphans worldwide.  It was broad enough to cover all the things we wanted to do… whatever would make the most difference to the children we would meet.  On our first trip, we brought therapy professionals to the Shanghai Children's Home for five days.  We worked with their rehab staff and saw so many children we lost count.  It was a journey, full of unexpected experiences, big smiles and tears as well. After that initial trip we grew, our work spread to more orphanages in different provinces. We met and worked with more rehab staff and trained more caregivers.

Superkids now has physical therapists, speech therapists and doctors on our teams.  Our mission has become broader.  We want to continue to improve the quality of care given to waiting children, but we also now advocate for these beautiful kiddos to find their forever family.  This is one of the most important things
we could ever do.  That part of our mission continues long after we come home.  The therapists and doctors remain dedicated to the children we have met in country.  Our teams follow the children's journeys and hope to see each one united with a waiting Mom and Dad.

 

We provide as much information as possible to those considering adoption.  These children are more than words on paper to us.  We have held them, touched their hair and listened to their words.  We get to meet or talk with Mom, Dad and family before they travel, sometimes even before they are matched.  Sometimes when we meet a matched child and can tell them something about their waiting family, it gives them comfort.  We are their line of communication in many ways.  We take the hug and pass it on.  I saw a waiting mom when I was in Texas in January, visiting the Gladney Center.  She said to her husband "Pat has held our daughter".  I gave her the hug her daughter gave me in China months before.

Every child that finds the family they are waiting for is one step forward in our mutual journey. They say that even the longest journey begins with just one step.  Where are we heading as adoption changes? I don't know.  We will continue to evolve and grow.  I hope our journey ends with empty orphanages and all children with their forever families.

Peace,

Pat